I find this piece written by Vivian Bassey quite interesting. She X-rays some possible causes of infidelity from the woman’s perspective by seeking diverse opinions from the women themselves.

As she speaks, you can see tears rolling down her cheeks and she kept asking herself why things have turned sour with her husband.

Amaka James( not real names) says she has been asking herself many unending questions like “why the sudden change in his attitude, don’t I look attractive anymore, why is he keeping frequent late nights, what happened to the love we shared during courtship, is he into a relationship with another woman, what really went wrong?”

Separated for her husband for over a year after being married for 10 years, Amaka largely blames herself for the breakup feeling there are things she did that got to her husband to warrant such change in his attitude because he was not like that during the early years of their marriage.

She is however glad that there is an ongoing process towards reconciliation with her husband despite the misunderstanding and it is yielding positive results.

Amaka is just one among many women that have suffered the pains associated with a marriage gone wrong.

Marriage as ordained by God is a legal union between a man and a woman. It is meant to be a thing of joy not pain. While some people go into it out of love, some get married for the gains while others marry out of desperation; what is silent is that there lies an aspect of pain as well as joy in any marriage and it is not all rosy for the couples.

Both the man and the woman have a role to play in marriage. But when a marriage is rosy, it is believed that woman or the mother of the house is playing her role of homemaker extraordinarily. And when it is rough, it is believed that there is a fight for dominance or superiority.

While nature has made man to be the protector of his clan, women too have a care-giving role to the man and her entire family. These days, women are equally breadwinners. In Africa, the woman’s role in keeping the home is believed to be more, that is why she is said to be the one who holds the key to a successful home.

She is the one who holds the key to happiness in the home, working for peace, caring for her husband and children that is why she is referred to as the mother of the house. A woman could make or mar her home; it’s her choice and the will to successful marriage lies in her hands.

Many women today, through their unbearable attitudes like nagging, refusal to co-habit as married couple, change of appearance, change in body weight, lack of interest in what their husband does, lack of gratitude, rudeness, lack of respect, greed, un-forgiveness and other negative tendencies  unconsciously destroy their homes and end up sending their husbands into the waiting hands of single ladies.

Relationship experts say men are stronger physically but when it comes to verbal strength, women have the advantage and they can easily use their words to demean and belittle their husband. Men can become overwhelmed by criticisms coming at them and the result; they shut down, withdraw and seek kindness and approval elsewhere.

Women, on their part want their emotional needs met but lose sight of the emotional needs of their husbands. Men to an extent need physical release through sexual intimacy, when you refuse to meet that need, he may feel you are refusing to respect his emotional needs.

A marriage expert working with Jesus revelation Assemblies, Jos, Mrs. Julie Amawu believes the success of every home lies in the hands of the woman but sometimes, you see a woman using her own hands to destroy her home.

“in most cases, she denies him sex forgetting that there are so many un-married ladies out there who will do anything to have him”.

“I have seen so many cases of women who have destroyed their own homes due to lack of respect for their spouses” she said.

If the goal is to be happily married, then it is up to you as a woman to exercise self-control, and reduce unhealthy anger, bitterness resentful thought. Rather, get to understand your spouse, learn how to tolerate and be patient so as not to lose grip of his love.

A staff of Nigerian Security and Civil Defence Corps, married for thirteen years, who prefers anonymity said from her experience as a wife, a woman that is too nagging and suspicious of her husband is capable of destroying her home.

She believes that a woman who cannot cook and picks offense at every little provocation is also capable of sending her husband into the arms of another woman.

For Mrs. Salamatu Micheal, who works with Plateau State Independent Electoral Commission, her marriage of 22 years has shown her that one of the things a woman can do to drive her husband crazy or away from his home is when she is not really taking good care of her husband at home or keeping her home neat; some husbands are very sensitive in this area and will not live in an un-condicive environment.

Another aspect she believes is a problem to many men is the area of sex and cooking. “Some women cannot cook and also deny their husbands sex, they don’t even care even if their husbands complain. As it is said, the easiest way to a man’s heart is food, when he meets another woman that can cook and satisfy his sexual pleasure, he will not remember his home or that he has a wife. I have seen so many marriages that women have used their own hands to destroy as a result of these reasons”.

Mrs. Jennifer Gabriel Mafulul, who has been married for 22 years, is optimistic that one of the things that she has discovered is that women easily destroy their homes when they nag too much.

“They want to talk and talk or complain to a logical conclusion and claim they are always right while the man is always wrong and this is an act that is capable of making a husband to stay away from his wife to get his peace of mind”.

“Before you know it, the man will stay off the home because men dislike nagging women who display attitudes of forgiveness; when you want to revenge all the time, this will make the man to stay off the house. Another thing is when the woman is not orderly, clean and keeping the home neat especially the bedroom, it can create a disconnect between the woman and the man and this alone can make the man to keep away from the house.

A man wants a woman to show him love and extend such love to his people. And when she fails in this aspect, it is capable of making the man look for another companion that will do that.

Categories: Column

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