Akin is the love of my life. This term is not loosely used, as millennials use them these days. I mean it. Akin is the love of my life. We have been through thick and thin together. Akin is not one of those men that sweep you off your feet at first sight, he was not the type that commanded attention with appearances, but he had an undeniable aura to him. A calm aura. A strong confident presence, that says: I don’t need validation to be who I am, I am comfortable in my skin regardless. These aura was what endeared me to him, instead of his friend.

While at the university, Akin’s friend was loved by all. He was the man of every moment. Every where he went, his presence was always felt. He was the extrovert, the one that all the ladies wanted, but not my Akin. My Akin had a strong, quiet, intelligent strength in his eyes that drew you. More like dared you to come closer. To attempt to know him deeper if you could.

Looking back, I think that’s why many ladies stayed off Akin. It was as if his eyes teased them and dared them to be a bit more, to be intelligent if they wanted to get closer to him. I took up that challenge, I got closer to Akin and since then, it’s been love. Nothing but love.

20 years into our relationship, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell Akin that he doesn’t satisfy me enough. Akin tries no doubt, but his stuff is no bigger than my pinkie finger. We have tried many things together, counseling, watched porn together, tried different styles, but Akin doesn’t seem to hit me there.

He would apologize over and over again for not being able to make me cum. But I was getting frustrated – frustrated at not being satisfied. Frustrated of hearing Beatrice my friend describe to me with her clenched fist in the air, how big her own man is. Frustrated at how much my husband sighs and moans whenever he cums, yet I can’t.

Occasionally, I have suggested that we experiment with sex toys or maybe have him pay another man satisfy me. I mean he’ll watch me cum, and get aroused himself, but every time I come up with ideas like these, Akin looks at me like; whatever has happened to my wife. In fact, one day he said “this is not my wife, bring her back”.

We have two children. One of them 19 and the other 17. I am no longer bearing children, as I and Akin decided that two was all we needed. Yet there’s this nagging feeling of being robbed of complete sexual pleasure in my own home.

As times went on, I would bring up suggestions around sex toys and Akin will ignore me. Then I decided to buy. Night times became bearable. I work from home, so I always have the house to myself. Every time Akin left in the morning, I would give myself utmost pleasure. I had subscribed to a site that helped me get creative, so it was never boring. I became happier, and this was 15 years into our marriage.

Akin started suspecting that I was in love with someone else. I don’t blame him. I was happier. I was no longer cranky. I was satisfying myself in ways that Akin or no man has ever done. I was alive!

However we talked about it and I told him, that I wasn’t cheating on him. I mean technically, I wasn’t. How do you tell the man you love that a dildo is doing a better job than him? How do you smash a man’s ego like that? How do you explain to him that when you’re ovulating, your hormones are fired up, and yet his teeny weeny penis cannot do you any good, so you pick unnecessary quarrels and fights?

Akin was satisfied. He believed me. He trusted me. Of course! I wasn’t cheating.

Tuesday 18th March 2020, Akin came home and said his office management has asked everyone to work from home. There’s been a global outbreak of a virus called COVID-19. And one way that it could be prevented was for people to stay at home. I could tell that Akin was looking forward to spending quality time with me. I was excited too, but I hated this new arrangement.

Today, the 24th of Match, 6 days after Akin and I has been home, I was beginning to feel stifled. This is three days into my ovulation, and I haven’t cum for once. No joke, story or twitter meme that Akin shares with me is funny. I miss my babies, I miss the faithful soldiers that make me cum anytime I want them to. I can’t wait for Akin to start going out to work again. I’m back to square 1 and I’m loosing my mind.

#TheNextLine

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Back to Square 1 (COVID-19)

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