There’s something about unanticipated sex on holy days, it bangs you differently. You wake up and you can’t describe the emotion you are feeling. It’s there, a mixture of guilt and sour sweetness. Almost tastes like whitewine, I detest white wine.

Don’t get me wrong, fornication on Mondays is as sinful as those done on Friday before prayers or the one done on Sunday morning before service. But you see those ones done on faithful days, you realize “I am the one leading the holy flock in prayers today”.

I have this theory that if you start smashing on Saturday say by 11:58 pm and finish on Sunday morning by say 12:03 am, you shouldn’t feel guilty.It doesn’t count.

So another demented thought; let’s say y’all were in the missionary way and she suddenly says “I love you” and you are already balls deep in and you say “I love you too” Does that count? In my books it doesn’t cause that’s entrapment. Say the “I love you”, but we all know it doesn’t count.

See ba, Saturdays should just be renamed as temptation days. You can wake up in the morning, eat Mama Bilqi’s Kosai and Kunu, add to the stockpile of dirty clothes and get invited for a party that will last the whole night without even planning it in this Jos.

That’s how I was invited to a house party last month, I took my big-head and went; no plans, no notice nothing. I really need to stop inculcating other peoples ideas into my days.

Anyways, as the night progressed, the number of guys were not commensurate to the girls present. Why is it that when girls outnumber guys at a party, they all tend to want attention? Guys can take their L with a bottle of beer, but women really need to develop coping capabilities. Sha, that wasn’t my business on that faithless day, I was just happy to be noticed.

“The freaks are always the quiet ones.” Ndam. I should frame this quote for posterity.

As we gisted, I realized she was a kindred in the realms of crazy think and obscene talk. She met my sarcasm with high calibre sarcasm and said just the dandiest things.

Out of the blues, my mind thought “Come home with me tonight, it will be my extreme honour to kiss your lips, and if I find it dry there, I can stray lower where the rivers of life flow”. I honestly thought I was still thinking.

My mind to mouth coordination must be broken as the look of incredulity that spread over her face made me realize that the mouth had beat the gun again. Oh well, it was out there.


“Wait, what?” I was also now shocked, like babe, “don’t fuck with my head” and she said sure, “I think you’re cute, and you have an impressive bulge”. Sometimes God makes them too perfect.

The memory of Bilqis from the movie American Gods flooded my head. I’m like, Stranger Danger “Guy, you’re going to get swallowed up through the coochie”.

The night progressed too quickly, we got real friendly, and as it was time to leave, true to her words she gave me the honour of her company. We got back to my place, we chatted some more, I stripped away my briefs like it was normal to expose junior to strangers, I am now thinking, what if she “steals junior”?

I never think finish oh, babe done strip like naked wire. Flat tummy, beads around her waist, serious hips, palm-sized boobs, spankable ass. All these she concealed under the baggy clothes she wore. F*ck this, if I perish, remember me fondly.

She knew how to use her fingers. After all the begging and “just the tip” talk, she was adroit with her tongue and she knew where to touch. Later this one go come tell you say “I’ve only done it with one person” thunder go fire your left leg.

Na so Sunday morning catch me oh, I get communion to take for morning, and na she de lead choir for her church. Choirgirls, avoid me, please! Una want spoil me for my mama.

Imagine my liver in going for service, I swear shame na punishment. Pastor no even see vision say I done commit oh, nobody catch me oh, but my mind no gree me rest for that place.

Maybe it’s because I’m a novice to the sins committed on Sunday mornings. I’ll behave better next time.


Faithless acts on Faithfull days

  1. ??
    You know that kind of guilt that romances your ego when you know God is watching and shaking his head, but you go and ” if you perish, you perish”

    Even more fascinating when you have worship song at the background.

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