“And I shall find some girl perhaps,
And a better one than you,
With eyes as wise but kindlier,
And lips as soft but true
And i dare say she will do.
I thought when love for you died,
I should die, It’s dead.
Alone most strangely, I live on”
Rupert Chawner Brooke
Dear guys, we are all tired of been called “scum” for your poor handling of situations that could have been better handled.
This “How to break up for guys” is a recognized procedure by the order of the bros properly arrived at over copious amounts of liquor and well intentioned belief that the action that necessitated your letting go was for personal safety, mental health and emotional well being.
Bros are allowed to break up without procedures if she messes with your Fifa Manager mode, your wheels, your credit rating (all banking details), if she consistently compares you to her degenerate Ex, and if she is physically, emotionally and spiritually violent.
I know a lot of bros have not considered the “spiritually violent” part, but that’s why we have the bro code updated dutifully by bros from all over the world. If her prayers repeatedly chant the phrase “Die! Die! Die!” Save yourself bro.
Anyways, the global lockdown has created opportunities for bros worldwide, and we are happy for bros who scored the milestone achievements. Your doggedness, future thought and panache is inspiring.
For bros who are alone as a result of miscalculations, misconceptions and other mis in the dictionary, you owe your bros an apology with proper libations poured out.
I am guessing that after this long week of camping your girl friend, side chick, lover and whatever; you might have arrived at some conclusion.
If in your heart of heart you once viewed and knew her as “the one”, do it right. Don’t be a douchebag that breaks up via phone. All bros are agreed that it is a slime ball move and is not approved for implementation on former genuine loml’s.
Ghosting is permissible under the reviewed code for the sake of future interest and rekindled fires.
For former genuine LOML’s, take her to Mc Hez. Bros in Plateau State agree that said location have a break up vibe around it. It used to be Honey Top in Polo but our report on that location has not been updated.
Never Ever wear a white shirt to a break up! Hold 2 handkerchief, one for you and one for her.
If she still likes you, offer to take her there. If it’s a “love lost” affair, let’s meet there for one last nail.
While at Mc Hez, let her order, except if she requests assistance then choose fried rice and chicken. You don’t want spaghetti with sauce been poured on you or worse, stabbed with a knife.
A bro must also eat, and is advised no alcohol for the task ahead. A bro is encouraged to relieve pressure using other means before the task at hand.
A bro must always allow a former loml have her full before broaching the subject.
A bro must be properly calm and not raise his voice no matter what she says. A bro must never allow himself be guilted into second chances. A bro who falls for this scam loses street cred.
A bro must in no circumstances hit her or react violently. Even if she blames you bro, let it go.
A bro is allowed to shed tears if she was caught cheating with a deranged bro who strayed from the path of loyalty.
A bro can seek guidance pre leaving with bros for advice if she followed the money, engaged in acts unbecoming with a known wingman or bro; or insulted the honour of all bros and she’s a hoe.
A bro can pull a Shaggy denial if he has plausible deniability. If a bro was caught red handed, a bro must acknowledge complacency and not give weasel reasons.
If breakup is necessitated by conduct incompatible with the status of LOML, a bro is not allowed to offer her a ride home after discussing. If she had in rage tempered with a bros wheels, thou shalt not introduce her again to the wheels.
Bro needs coffee. We will continue this “how to” tomorrow.
Happy isolation bros.