Today’s gist is a midsummer’s gist. It truly happened to some people I know. I am tempted to insert their names and tag them to this piece of history, but protecting myself from litigation outweighs the joy it will bring me in mentioning the fornicating pair.

I know a lot of people have stories of how they were caught in the act; Pants down, drawing pleasure to themselves in darkened corners, while basking in the euphoria of the moment.

Can you imagine a mixture of pleasure and fright?

Forgive me, I shouldn’t have asked such of you, some imaginations are better left to the realms they’re found in. Except of course if your mum has caught you at 16 touching yourself with your dirty left hand while feeding your eyes high caliber performances of Mia. You should really wash your hands often mate.

But humor me this, have you ever been caught by your mum doing the do with the neighbor? Why is it always with the neighbor?

Sha, this tale is of such importance. We were young, we were exploring libidos and we didn’t know what emotions and feelings were.

Mia was my favorite, but now I feel guilty watching her with the knowledge that she’s left the art that our budding adolescence was founded upon.

In our defense, we were young and highly impressionable with no one to tell us truth.

So I sort of know you have been scrolling this far to see the story. You should be ashamed of yourself. Coming this far just to see how some teenagers were improperly punished for learning what the institutions refused to teach them? Are you proud of yourself now?

Now that you said yes, I’m proud of you and we can continue this gist. If you said NO. Just be going. Stop catching emotions here.

 

(Space intentionally left blank)

 

I change my mind, I shall regale you.

So we shall be calling the girl Steph, I like that name, and the girl in question looks like a Steph. If you are a Steph and this has happened to you, I swear it’s not your gist, but you can share your gist with us at submission@shitoto.com we will publish it.

Lets call the guy PK. I can bet that there are guys with that name who have been caught in the act. I think I know a PK that the street had it that his gf caught him banging a bimbo in his fathers parlour.

Girls, avoid Plateau boys called PK’s their fuckboyism is embarrassing us all. The stupid boy had the nerve pull a Shaggy on the girl.

Anyways, right after secondary school, we were all home alone. Continuing our learning in ways the system wouldn’t approve.

We visited Steppes like grownups, White house at Angwa like big boys, then there’s that place at TWad. I think PK had his head bursted with a beer battle there. The laws of TWad. Burst or be bursted.

Sha, on that Harmattans day, PK had convinced Steph to watch a movie from their shiny new CD. Halfway into the movie, PK slid his hands into Stephs skirts and the reception was cordial, she breathed in and exhaled anticipation.

He kissed her lips, and she bit his lower lips. She pushed her tongue down his throat, and he sucked on it like a life giving mechanism.

As he slid his thing into her, they found rhythm and meaning.  It was glorious for the moment, but they however didn’t hit the famous apogee of pleasure known in such affairs.

Glory eluded them as the doors swung open with the matriarch striding in; tired and exhausted from birthing unplanned babies and comforting parents that babies were a gift, even though she knew that babies shouldn’t birth babies.

Her eyes kindled with anger as her muscles were reinvigorated with holy wrath. She pounced on them both and unleashed the vengeance of not wanting to have to encourage herself to raise babies.

PK chested the beating, but Stephs wails were a mixture of pain and pleasure. The BDSM standard.

I wonder if I like whips. I think I might like the cuffs and blindfolds, but the only pain I like is my lover biting my lower lips as I touch her deep regions while tasting the creamy drip in her.

I’m sure you’re mildly unhappy with the beating. Believe me, I was. You don’t beat kids you caught in the act, neither do you have those awkward conversations.

I don’t know what you should do honestly, but the African in me will whoop your ass before giving you sex education.

Finally, PK learnt to be more sneakier, and Steph learnt the value of privacy and bolted doors.

The evolution of the phrase “close the door” for us all.

I don’t know what you learnt, but my learning is looking like it emanated from pornhub.

Oh well, May we have our fantasies fulfilled during these month.

This is the month we should get some social distancing Sex. Be a bibliophile for a moment.

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