Have you ever dated someone without knowing y’all were dating?

Being a more imaginary person, I can relate to how feasible this is. Matter of fact, I used to think there was a level unlocked in dating that when you hit it, it comes with the tag, title benefits and stress without you asking for it.

But with zones like friend zones, family zone, entanglements and aggressive cuddling amongst others springing up, I seriously need to re-ascertain the veracity of my earlier thoughts.

Look, plain and simple, I was wrong!

There’s no unlocking an imaginary zone that automatically confers on you the title of boyfriend girlfriend or lovers. It does not happen! If it happened to you, you might need to clarify your position, or your telepathy must be strong.

Because you had sex with a person, it does not transcend to dating.

Because you both bought valentine gifts for each other, it does not mean y’all are dating.

Because y’all spend time together, that is not dating.

Mama Ikyobi would break my fingers with a ruler for starting a sentence with “Because”, see me starting three sentences. Let me do penance.


I just realized that assumptions play a major part in human psychology. I think I need to understand why humans assume, why they think it’s okay to fill in the blanks based on perceived evidence.

I know we do that in court a lot, but that’s besides the point, and it’s absolutely occupational hazards.

If you’re dealing with me, I’m a rather straightforward person. I’ll tell you as I think it is, and I might sometimes refrain from telling you the whole thing out of my own reasons.

The odd thing I find is, people are disconcerted when you tell them the truth. It’s like they’re expecting you to lie the first time, so the truth catches them unaware.

Firstly, I learnt people assume dating if y’all are close. I want to tell you the full story of my hard lessons taught by the unforgiving school of hard knocks, but today is the day I give you for free a template on telling me stories instead of telling me “it’s a long story”.

“The beginning: we used to talk for hours with Felicia, chat on 2Go and hangout as often as possible.

The end: Felicia is now married, and I’m here single as fuck writing about it.”

People, no need to tell me “it’s a long story” if it truly is a long story. I’m just going to keep interjecting.

That might possibly have been my first heart shattering experience. If you want to blame anyone for why my heart is shattered and dispersed, I can point you her way.

However I take responsibility for not having her sign a relationship agreement. We need to normalize that shit!

A friend of mine told me about an eerie encounter she had with a dater who was dating her in his mind. Let’s call my friend Ann for context purposes and her ” perceived dater” Emma.

So Ann met Emma at a hangout, exchanged numbers, chat till dusk and talk by dawn, kept receiving gifts from Emma, and on Valentine’s baba sent a heartfelt love letter with bouquets and chocolates.

I dislike the commercialism on that day. There, I said what we were all thinking!

Sha, Bro was a full time romantic, but Ann didn’t like him like that. This phrase ehn, e carry weight.

So after receiving the valentine package, she called him and asked him why, and I’m going to assume he was like “why shouldn’t I? For my special girl”

End of story? She let him down some weeks later. It must’ve been hard cause I heard he’s not talking to her, and he mobilized his friends to bully the girl. Look guys, we must heal from our mistakes of assumptions.

I know a lot of girls assume relationship after sex. So I stumbled on this shrewd thing people do these days. “Date”!!

First, I love the versatility of the word “date”. I could literally be referring to the calendar date, and y’all will be thinking its the date fruit.

Second, people who say let’s date when they know they just want sex are the worm of the earth. Spineless and dedicated to trudging the lower rungs of life.

Third, people who entice you to date them merely to get sex in exchange for their love and baggage are under the same cadre as second above.

People of God, if you want sex, tell them!

If you want to have a chance to know them, their feelings and everything that comes with it, do it right, and if it isn’t working, let it go properly.

We are tired of having to suffer the repercussions of your selfishness.

The flip side is, people don’t want to hear the truth. They want to hear what they want to hear ergo fuck boys lie, and fuck girls lie.

Finally…. Is the one you’re dating dating you or should we wait to receive “keep me anon” and the infamous quote “all men are scum”??

PS a simple guide to knowing?
Ask! Seek and ye shall find.
Knock and the door shall be opened.


I dated her in my mind.

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