Comrades of the singledom!
I want to Yarn!
I want to speak!
I want to enunciate!
I want to articulate!
I want to ejaculate!

Blame autocorrect if you read something in the last line of the paragraph above. I’m innocent of all wrongdoings.

My yarn is simple.
“Know thyself” Socrates.
It’s not actually my yarn but you follow the strings don’t you?

I like to see myself as a budding revolutionary in the order of Che Guevara, Trotsky, Castro and those with afros. Vive la Révolution!!

Sometimes I am Lord regent of realism, protector of nonconformists, defender of free choice, and warden of singleness amongst other lofty self proclaimed titles to myself.

Today however, i am garbed properly in the robes of singleness with all my medals shining and dangling from my chest like a newly promoted Major.

To be truthful, it’s not for want of trying to get out of it. Seriously, you think anyone likes getting added to whatsapp groups for wedding contributions? Maybe the bride and groom, and the ajaja friend whose account the non-accountable funds will enter.

In my case, I am a problem and I know it. My mum told my Ex to be patient with me as she’ll need a lot of it. The “some mothers do have them” kind of kids as my mum often sighs in exasperation as she reads my posts on Facebook.

I’m not like those who always blame the other gender for their misgivings. I have the rare talent of blaming myself first, then resorting back to the primordial position of blaming the other gender like our progenitor Adam did before us.

The trouble with singleness is we forget it’s foundational tenets because when we are single, we see happy couples. When we are in a relationship, we see happy singles counting their scores like Baba Suwe.

Singleness is an opportunity for us to introspect. Know what you like, know what you don’t like, know how much you’re willing to be patient on stuff you like and don’t like.
I want to say “love yourself”, but the mantra in Jos used to be “Jesus, Others Self”

Personally, I subscribe to the views of self preservation, self interest and self promotion. We can’t all be selfish.

There’s no manual to any stage in life; you make the rules as you go, observe the mistakes of others, emulate the successes of others and never be burdened by what society will say about your status. If anybody tells you gutter talk about being single, come to me, I take my oaths seriously.

As your warden, I promise to defend your honour, I will shield your back, and keep your counsel. You’ll always have a place in my heart, and I’ll never ask you to do a service that might bring dishonor. This is the stage where you bring registration fees and drink to celebrate.

Finally, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.
We don’t always get it the first time but we surely get it when we try strategically.

Be Approachable, pay attention to what’s happening around you, keep An Open Mind, stress Less and as I have said earlier, enjoy Your Time Alone.

PS I heard Jos boys now kiss and tell, and do “komai na bros na bros ne”. I’ll address this character slight soon.

Truly yours,

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