I live in Jos Nigeria, and greeting is a culture. In fact if you are someone who greets a lot, you will be termed a good person. An incident that I still remember and laugh about till today, is the incident of a laborer who fixes iron metals on people’s stores. he fixes them in a way that makes it easy for him to have access to the store at night to steal from it. On the day he was caught and beaten to death, somebody said: “such a good boy that greets everyone”
It has become hard for people to differentiate between what it means to be culturally attuned to something, and just being a nice person. That you greet or respect people, does not make you nice.
Over the years, women have been seen to be the “nice” gender. This is because in this part of the world, not many women are able to leave their children and just walk away. They are the caregivers and the people who stay in bad relationships because they think of their children. They are the selfless ones who often think of their families first before making decisions, and in the minds of everyone, they are the nice gender.
Just because they are naturally a certain way, and that is some of them by the way, we have somehow confused it for niceness, and have decided that it should be an attribute that makes one a woman.
In the same breath, I have seen some women walk away from a relationship, leaving the man with the child or children without thinking twice. This man is often praised. He is seen as rare. In the eyes of society, he is a hero. As opposes to the case of countless women, whose husbands have walked away, leaving with a whole lot of responsibility.
Haven’t you ever wondered why men are so shocked when their female partners cheat on them? The assumption is that the nice gender will never cheat. They will love you sincerely with all their heart, regardless of what is done to them in the said relationship and stay with their partners for life.
This same ideology is what make people say things like I cannot marry her, because she is not a nice woman. I also think that the whole idea of a ‘woman is supposed to be soft spoken, gentle, easy on the eyes, be seen and not heard’ stems from there.
There is no rule to what a woman should be. A woman should just be human. If you want a soft spoken woman, and happen to encounter a hard spoken one, then leave her and find the one you want. If you want a home wife, and find one who is very focused on her career, leave her and focus on finding the woman that will be satisfied to stay at home.
This idea of assuming that all women should be a certain way, is so flawed and upon whatever basis that is formed, is highly ridiculous.
After all, is it not in this same life that women are: assassins, armed robbers, rapist, serial killers, poison their husbands; slowly or quickly, connive to cheat on a partner, swindle people, or are soldiers, warlords and drug lords?
I know that there is an argument that the world is not safe because men live in it. That argument will fly anywhere, because there are data to show the number of male criminals to female criminals. But the world is truly not safe because there are bad human beings in it. And that includes both males and females.
Nice or not nice is not a particular character to a just one gender. People are just nice and that is all that there is to it. Therefore, to live life expecting that a woman should be the nice gender, or one of the attributes of a woman is to be nice, is to live in a bubble.
Women, before being SHE’S are first humans.